What counts as bullying?
Bullying is behaviour that is repeated, intentional, and involves an imbalance of power. It can be:
Physical
Hitting, pushing, taking belongings
Verbal
Name-calling, threats, insults, mockery
Social/relational
Excluding, spreading rumours, turning others against your child
Online (cyberbullying)
Harassment via social media, gaming, or messaging
A single falling-out with a friend, however painful, is not bullying. The repetition and power imbalance are what define it. That said, if your child is distressed, their experience matters regardless of how it is categorised.
Signs your child may be being bullied
Children rarely say outright “I’m being bullied” — shame, fear of making it worse, and wanting to handle it themselves all get in the way. Watch for:
How to start the conversation
Children open up more easily when the conversation feels low-stakes. Side-by-side settings — the car, a walk — often work better than sitting face-to-face.
Useful openers:
"I've noticed you haven't seemed yourself lately. Is everything okay at school?"
"Is there anyone at school who's been unkind to you?"
"I'm not going to overreact — I just want to understand what's going on."
YoungMinds advises parents to stay calm and listen without immediately jumping to solutions.
What to say — and what not to say
Helpful:
"I believe you."
Shows your child that their experience matters and they are being taken seriously.
"It's not your fault."
Reduces shame and reminds them they are not responsible for someone else's behaviour.
"You were right to tell me."
Encourages openness and helps your child feel safe speaking up.
"We're going to sort this out together."
Shows they do not have to face the situation alone.
Less helpful:
"Just ignore them"
your child has probably tried this
"Hit them back"
escalates and can result in your child being disciplined
"Are you sure you're not exaggerating?"
dismisses their experience
"I'll go and sort it out right now"
before hearing everything — can feel like loss of control to your child
Working with school
Schools in England are required by law to have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent bullying. When you contact school:
Put it in writing
email creates a record that a phone call doesn't
Be specific
dates, what was said or done, who was involved
Ask what their anti-bullying policy says
and how they will respond
Request a follow-up
meeting to review what has been done
Keep a log
of incidents your child reports, including dates
Most schools respond quickly and seriously when approached calmly and with clear evidence.
What if school doesn't act?
If the school does not respond adequately:
Escalate to the headteacher in writing
Contact the Chair of Governors
If the bullying is motivated by race, religion, disability, or sexuality it may be a hate crime — contact the police
Contact your local authority's school complaints process
If you believe your child is at risk of significant harm, contact children's services
Supporting your child's confidence and mental health
Bullying erodes self-esteem and, if prolonged, can contribute to anxiety and depression. Alongside tackling the bullying itself:
- Affirm your child’s worth frequently and specifically
- Help them identify strengths and interests outside the bullying environment
- Encourage friendships outside school — clubs, activities, extended family
- Consider short-term counselling if confidence has significantly dropped
- Speak to your GP if your child’s mental health is significantly affected
When bullying becomes a safeguarding issue
Contact the police or children’s services if:
Your child has been physically assaulted
There are threats involving weapons
Your child is being extorted or coerced
Your child expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide as a result
There are sexual elements to the bullying
FAQs: what to do if your child is being bullied
Generally no — unless you have a good relationship with them. Approaching another parent can escalate the situation and feels threatening. Go through school first.
Short-term absence while the situation is being addressed may be necessary for your child's mental health. Longer-term school avoidance, however, can make reintegration harder and should be avoided where possible.
Honour their voice as much as possible. Ask what they'd like you to do, and do the minimum needed to keep them safe. But do not agree to do nothing if you believe they are at risk.