Children who have experienced trauma often find relationships frightening rather than comforting. PACE is a way of being with these children, developed by clinical psychologist Dr Dan Hughes, that helps them feel safe enough to trust again. It is one of the best-known approaches in therapeutic parenting and residential care.
What Is PACE?
The Four Elements of PACE
Playfulness
A light, warm tone communicates that the relationship is safe and enjoyable. Playfulness reduces tension, builds connection and shows a child they are liked, not just tolerated. It is used with sensitivity, never to make fun of a child or dismiss real distress.
Acceptance
Acceptance means valuing a child’s inner world, their feelings, fears and wishes, without judgement. Importantly, accepting a feeling is not the same as approving of a behaviour. A carer can fully accept a child’s anger while still holding a clear boundary about hitting.
Curiosity
Curiosity is the wish to understand why a child behaves as they do, rather than simply reacting. Wondering aloud, “I wonder if today felt scary?”, helps a child make sense of their own feelings and shows that an adult is trying to understand rather than to punish.
Empathy
Empathy is staying alongside a child in their distress so they do not have to face difficult feelings alone. It tells the child their emotions matter and can be coped with, the foundation of co-regulation and, eventually, self-regulation.
Why PACE Works for Traumatised Children
Children who have been hurt by adults often expect criticism, rejection or control. PACE gently disproves that expectation. By staying playful, accepting, curious and empathic, especially in difficult moments, carers offer the safe, attuned relationship the child missed earlier in life. It works hand in hand with an understanding of the window of tolerance and is especially helpful for children with an attachment disorder.
A Common Misunderstanding
PACE is sometimes criticised as “letting children get away with it”. In fact, boundaries remain firm; what changes is the tone. Acceptance and empathy are about the child’s feelings, while clear, consistent limits still apply to behaviour. The two work together. Carers who feel overwhelmed and find empathy hard to sustain may be experiencing blocked care, which is why staff support and reflective supervision matter.
How Welcare Embeds PACE
PACE is woven into how Welcare staff relate to the children in our therapeutic care homes every day. Our teams are trained to lead with curiosity and empathy rather than sanctions, supported by our in-house therapists, play-based approaches such as Theraplay and reflective supervision. This consistent, relationship-first approach helps children settle, build trust and begin to recover.
Final Thoughts
PACE, Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy, is a therapeutic way of being with children who have experienced trauma. By focusing on the relationship rather than the behaviour, it helps children feel safe, understood and accepted, creating the conditions in which genuine healing and change can take place.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. It is a therapeutic parenting attitude developed by Dr Dan Hughes.
No. PACE is not a behaviour-management system. Clear boundaries still apply, but PACE changes the tone of the relationship so a child feels safe and understood rather than controlled.
It is used by foster carers, adoptive parents, residential staff and professionals supporting children who have experienced trauma, neglect or disrupted attachment.
No. Acceptance applies to a child's inner feelings, not to harmful behaviour. A carer can accept the emotion while still holding a firm, caring limit on the behaviour.
All warm parenting includes elements of PACE. The difference is that PACE is applied deliberately and consistently, especially in difficult moments, to meet the needs of children whose trust has been damaged.