Discovering that a young person is self-harming can be frightening for any adult. But understanding why teenagers self-harm – and how to respond – helps carers offer the calm, compassionate support that young people need. It is closely connected to wider emotional health, including teen depression and youth emotional support.
What Is Self-Harm?
Self-harm is when someone intentionally harms themselves, for example by cutting, scratching, burning, hitting themselves or taking an overdose. It often functions as a way of coping with overwhelming emotions, but it can coexist with suicidal thoughts and must always be taken seriously.
Why Do Teenagers Self-Harm?
Self-harm often functions as a way of managing intense feelings. Common reasons include:
Releasing or controlling overwhelming emotional pain
Coping with anxiety, depression, trauma or low self-esteem
Feeling something when numb, or punishing themselves
For young people who have experienced childhood trauma, self-harm can be a way of coping with feelings that are too big to manage – a sign of being pushed beyond their window of tolerance.
Signs a Young Person May Be Self-Harming
Unexplained cuts, burns, bruises or scars
Covering up, even in warm weather
Withdrawal, low mood or changes in behaviour
Becoming secretive or spending long periods alone
Signs of low self-esteem or self-blame
How to Respond
The way adults respond matters enormously:
Stay calm and non-judgemental - avoid shock, anger or punishment.
Listen and take it seriously without dismissing their feelings.
Focus on the underlying distress, not just the behaviour.
Seek professional help, such as a GP or CAMHS
Help them find safer coping strategies over time.
How Welcare Supports Young People
Welcare’s therapeutic care staff are trained to respond to self-harm with compassion and without judgement. We focus on the feelings behind the behaviour, provide consistent and trusting relationships, and work with our in-house therapists, CBT and CAMHS to help young people develop healthier ways to cope.
Getting help and making the immediate situation safer
Ask directly and calmly about current injuries, suicidal thoughts and access to anything they may use to harm themselves. Serious injuries, an overdose or immediate danger require 999 or A&E. For urgent mental health support in England, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option. For non-urgent support, contact a GP; under-18s may be referred to children and young people’s mental health services. Do not rely on simply removing objects: agree a collaborative safety plan and address the distress behind the behaviour.
Creating a Collaborative Safety Plan
A safety plan should be made with the young person when they are calm enough to participate. It is not a promise that they will never self-harm. It is a practical record of what they notice, what helps and who can respond. The plan should use the young person’s own words and be available in a format they can reach privately.
Useful elements include:
- personal warning signs, thoughts, feelings or situations
- safer ways to delay or ride out an urge
- people and places that help the young person feel less alone
- how to reduce access to items linked to immediate risk
- who to contact during the day, at night and in an emergency
- what adults should say or avoid saying after an incident
Adults should ask directly about suicidal thoughts rather than assuming all self-harm has the same meaning. Asking does not create suicidal intent. If there is immediate danger, serious injury, an overdose, loss of consciousness or a plan to die, emergency medical help is needed.
After an incident, respond first to physical safety and emotional calm. Detailed questioning can wait. The young person should know what information must be shared and why. A plan also needs review: changes in frequency, severity, secrecy, hopelessness or access to lethal means should prompt a fresh professional assessment.
Following Up After the Immediate Crisis
The days after an incident matter. Agree who will check in, how wounds will be cared for, what support is available at school or home, and whether an urgent mental health assessment is needed. A return to ordinary routine can be helpful, but it should not become silence.
Parents and carers may need support with fear, anger or guilt so those feelings are not placed on the young person. Professionals should review whether bullying, abuse, exploitation, academic pressure, identity concerns, bereavement or conflict are contributing. Where several services are involved, name one person to coordinate the plan. The young person should not have to retell the same account repeatedly to access help.
Final Thoughts
Self-harm is usually a sign of deep emotional distress, not attention-seeking. By responding calmly, focusing on the feelings behind the behaviour, and seeking the right help, adults can support young people to find safer ways to cope and begin to heal.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Usually to cope with overwhelming emotions - to release or control emotional pain, feel something when numb, or regain a sense of control. It is rarely about seeking attention.
Self-harm often serves as a coping mechanism, but its meaning differs from person to person and it can occur alongside suicidal thoughts. It should always be taken seriously and assessed appropriately.
Unexplained cuts, burns or bruises, covering up even in warm weather, withdrawal, low mood, secrecy and signs of low self-esteem.
Stay calm and non-judgemental, listen, take it seriously, focus on the underlying distress, and seek professional help such as a GP or CAMHS.
A GP, CAMHS, school counsellors, and organisations such as YoungMinds and the Samaritans. In an emergency, call 999 or go to A&E.